A break in the baby updates to mention something else that is perturbing me greatly at the moment - although it does mention my pregnancy.

I went out to lunch yesterday with several of my new co-workers, one of whom is pregnant. The daily special at the restaurant was liver; although one of the attorneys very much wanted to order it, she refrained when she realized that the odor of it might make the pregnant woman nauseous.

Now, I though this was very sweet and considerate. But what is bothering me was the instant flashback to being pregnant last year, and having my co-workers at the time ask me "are you going to throw up again?" all the time and bragging how they never got nausea during their own pregnancies. One girl, upon hearing that the scent of microwave kettle corn made me ill, would wave her own freshly-popped bag in front of my face, saying "I'm not gonna make you throw up, am I?" I was bothered by all this at the time, but a little more distance has shown me just how thoughtless and cruel it all was. I've just met this woman at my new job and would never dream of doing any of these things to her.

I hate the instant flashback. I hate feeling OK and then, all of a sudden, getting this horribly sad, troubling image pop into my head at the slightest provocation. While I think some bad memories are necessary - learning from your mistakes and whatnot - I just wish I didn't have such a treasure trove of them, that some could be purged or not bother me anymore. I just want to forget so many things sometimes, so many incidents that could make me cry within minutes just to think of them. They distract me. They haunt me. They erase my smile in seconds and do not replace it.

The past never dies, but I wish it could just sleep sometimes.

I'm back! D'ya miss me?

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, to say the least. One reason: I have a new job. I start on Monday.

This is the result of three interviews, one hair appointment, and numerous phone calls and e-mails. I'm already out of my old job, and to be frank, I couldn't be happier. I won't go into detail but I will sum up one major gripe: I got accused of updating this website on company time. I was allowed to surf the net or whatever during my lunch breaks, but I was accused of posting outside of that time and during working hours. So, whatever. I never did, but you can't convince some people of such things if they're convinced otherwise.

In Veronica news, last night was a first: I heard her whining in the monitor at 1:30 a.m., so I went to investigate. I found her sitting up in her crib, eyeing her mobile. As soon as she saw me, she smiled. I have no idea how long she's been able to sit up on her own after having been horizontal. Maybe last night was the first time. All I know is, I was excited - and we've since dropped down the mattress in the crib.

She is growing like a weed. Last week, everything in her closet and her drawers fit her. This week, almost nothing does. She's eating like it's going out of style and has been fussy. (Well, fussy for Veronica, which still isn't that bad.) We have to go shopping this weekend and get her a bunch of new things. Pretty impressive, though, regarding the generosity of our family and friends, that she's over nine months old and this is the first time we've ever had to go on an extensive shopping trip for her.

That's all the major news now. Had Jason not had the security settings so tight on this computer, I may have been able to update sooner. I kept forgetting to mention it to him until today. And since I was getting accused of updating this site at work, I've spent the last few weeks not logging onto anything non-work related at all, even during lunch breaks.

I should be back on a regular basis now. At least, I hope so. There's been so many little things I've wanted to mention over the past few weeks, so many stories about Veronica, but have been so bogged down with other worries that I could not do so. Here's hoping my new job will not bring me so much stress and sadness, and that I will be able to concentrate more on my family, my friends, and all other important things. :-)