How stressed am I, as of late?

Put it this way: The way my language is shaping up right now, Veronica's first word is probably going to consist of four letters. And it ain't gonna be "mama." :-P

We had a girl quit at work. No, not the good ole', responsible, I'm-putting-in-my-two-weeks notice. No, more like a take-this-job-and-shove-it, as she went to lunch one day and decided not to come back. Being that my department was already working to maximum capacity BEFORE she left, you can imagine the fun we're all having now. Adding to the delight? The woman who knows the most in our department is going on a vacation for a week (grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, in Florida - she's had this one planned for a while, but let's face it, in light of new developments, the timing SUCKS.) I'm getting in overtime, but I'm also not sleeping well. I come home and turn into a slug.

At least slugs are small. I have no clue where my belly is at any given moment. Seriously, you laugh, but I'll think I've cleared something - a table, a file drawer, another person - only to have my huge abdomen at least brush against it. (Even more embarrassing? Overcompensating the wrong direction and having my big ass knocking something over. Sheesh.) I'm not used to this protrusion several inches out of my midsection!

Registering at Babies R Us was so overwhelming too. I didn't know such a little person could need that much stuff. I mean, you've got the obvious things: Clothes, diapers, crib, etc. But did you ever think of burp clothes? Swaddling blankets? Even if you have, trust me, Babies R Us will have the most absurd items that you would never dream about, yet upon seeing them you're convinced you MUST HAVE them or else you're the lousiest mother on the planet. Never mind the fact that my mom didn't have even half this crap when she had me, and even less when she had my sister years before.

The funniest thing we saw was (natch) in the potty training section. It was this product that I believe was called Piddle Pellets. What are Piddle Pellets, you may ask? Well, they're little foam rings that come in packs of thirty, and they are used to help potty train a little boy. See, if his aim is JUST RIGHT, and his pee hits the foam ring, it disappears! What great fun! Jason believes this product would produce the best drinking game ever....although I personally think it should follow up the best drinking game ever, a Piddle Pellet chaser, if you will.......

All this baby product stuff, though, is enough to make your head explode. What the hell am I supposed to do with the petroleum jelly?! Why do the towels need little hoods? Why are there, like, five types of blankets, all with different purposes? Did I get the right car seat? Did I get the right crib? Her mobile is in pastel colours but infants see brights and high contrasts better - if we keep the one we have, will we be stunting her visual development? Will she go to sleep without a teddy bear nearby that makes sounds like those of my womb? Is she going to be stupid because I'm not playing classical music to my abdomen, even though she seems to be getting down with the Dixie Chicks, Dave Matthews, and Foo Fighters? AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

I have to keep telling myself, look, Maranie, you're not a raving idiot, and all you had was a barnyard animal mobile and your mom singing you lullabies with a smoker's rasp. You are a complete headcase, but that had nothing to do with a lack of white noise in the nursery or hooded towels. You didn't listen to classical music, you listened to disco as a baby and you loved it! I need to just relax, tell myself we have too many towels as it is, and accept the fact that while Veronica doesn't seem to like conventional lullabies, she does like to hear me hum "Hungry Like the Wolf."

I have to keep telling myself, this isn't an exact science, no one knows what the hell they're doing right off the bat, and that Jason and I will just do our best. That should be good enough. It will have to be.