ACK.

Tomorrow is my first day back to work after maternity leave, and I'm scared as hell. I had a nightmare this morning about getting up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning, only to see a clock a few moments later telling me it's 8:05 a.m. and I still haven't eaten breakfast or put on my makeup yet. (Note: I need to be at work at 8:30, and my commute's about a half hour away.)

I fear too because I was recently warned by the attorney I work under that we've lost a couple clients, making the department I work in quite unstable. They also have hired a new girl to do the job I did before my maternity leave. I worry that I'll be reassigned to a new position and moved to a less desirable work space. I even fear that I'll lose my job (after, of course, whatever the time frame would be to comply with the Family Medical Leave Act, which states that a firm of that size has to give me my job back, or a similar position, after 12 weeks of maternity leave or less.) I was told that layoffs would be determined by merit, not seniority - scant consolation, when there's only two people in my department who've been there longer than me (and one of those, only by one week.) Add that to the fact that my work performance slipped due to the stresses (physical and mental) of pregnancy before my maternity leave, and I think I have a legitimate fear.

Add all this to the fact that I've now realized that the babysitter will be seeing Veronica more often than I do, and you can easily see that, while I long to get out of the house, I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow or most of the days that follow.